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Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Trying To Do Everything, Learning To Step Back

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The last 6 months of 2017 were extremely hard for me. As many of you know for 3 years I was housebound after reconstruction surgery and the recovery took a long time. I finally started a full time job in August which I really enjoy. I got diagnosed with a Chronic Illness which I was glad to finally know what was going on but at the same time I took it hard. My blog hasn't been as enjoyable for a while and I have needed to re think alot of things.


After my surgery it has been tough, learning to walk again, learning I can't do things like I used to. I was finally happy to be walking without a wheelchair or a crutch and slowly getting my life back then I noticed things were changing. Some days I can't even hold a hair dryer to dry my hair or hold a kettle to make a brew because of how painful it is. My arms feel like something is pulling at them so hard I want to cry. Some days I can barely walk, my hips and thighs hurt all I want to do is sit and not move but then even sitting can hurt. 

I kept it quiet for quite a while and my family thought I was just being lazy or difficult when I said I won't make a brew or help out with something when in reality it was because I was in agony. I guess I got good at hiding how I really was feeling. Some days I get so angry at myself and feel so useless that I can't even dry my hair and hate relying on other people. It is good days and bad days and the bad days seriously suck! When the doctors diagnosed me it was a relief that I wasn't being stupid and now I could explain it to my family and partner and try to get them to understand more. 

With all of this and then working full time I fell out of love with my blog. Anyone close to me knows I would have a weeks worth of tweets scheduled, 3-4 weeks worth of blog posts done and be posting on social media often. It's become to having no tweets scheduled, sometimes a weeks worth of blog posts and social media I have barely been on. I am slowly working on getting back into love with my blog.

I have gone quiet on friends and not really spoken much, mainly because I am so exhausted or my pain is really bad and I just don't want to speak to anyone. I sometimes feel like my friends or blogging friends might take it as me not caring about them or not wanting to be involved but it is the opposite. I want to, I just need to find a way to manage everything.

That's why the post is titled Trying to do everything, learning to step back because I have been one of those people who needs to have everything done and planned but now I am learning to take a step back and think what comes first and take my time. Me and my health is more important but I am not going to stop blogging because it has helped me so much over the past few years and it is my place to feel normal.

I will fall back in love with my blog this year and I will get to my happy place again. If you read my blog often please be patient with me, I will be trying to keep posting 3 times a week as normal.


Thank you to everyone who has been supportive, it has meant alot to me!

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